Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Workout video rant

So that I may eat massive quantities of food and remain under 500 pounds, I workout on a fairly regular basis. My routine these days alternates weekdays between a pregnancy workout (mostly strength training and yoga) and Turbo Jam (cardio). I've had the Turbo Jam dvd for about a year now. I bought it on amazon because I didn't want to have to subscribe to the thing so this is actually an older version of turbo jam.

Ladies, I'm sure many of you have seen this infomercial. The workout is good, it's fun, the time goes by fast and you definitely work up a sweat. The music isn't bad either. The personality of the host is bubbly and she's surrounded with an ethnically diverse group of varying fitness levels. Though the biggest gal is only probably 130 pounds so that kind of ticks me off...Sorry, rambling...

Anyways on to Chalene. She's a good motivator, she gives good cues so you always know what you should be doing and she's not overly obnoxious like some. Take Denise Austin for example, I have one of her videos that I have done exactly one time. I didn't even make it all the way through because she annoyed me sooooo much I nearly kicked my beautiful television. So considering I've been able to do the turbo jam video close to 200 times, that says a lot about Chalene.

But nobody is the perfect workout video host. The little quirky things they do that might not annoy you the first 7 or 8 times you do the video really start to grate on the nerves. Chalene – Why, oh why must you try to emulate snoop dogg when you say "yeah yeah baaaaaaybeeee" or "c'mon c'mon" and the grunts and "wamp" instead of "one". It's just not genuine and it makes me want to upper cut your face.
And then there's this move that she calls the "Howza Bro". She describes this as a move like the hawaiians do, why must you say this like a stoner surfer, over and over and over "Howza Braaaaa, Howza Braaaaa"?
Why does the former "Laker Girl" who's supposed to dance things up and get groovy with the moves only ever just look lost and bored? Why do you include your little skinny sister who annoys the crap out of me? Not only is she constantly smiling, full of energy, and skinny with hard abs like you, but she shakes her huge boobs at me instead of doing what you're having all the rest of us do for some of the video. What's that about?

Is all of this to motivate me to kick and punch harder? If so, I think it might be actually working.

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Michael said...

I expect YouTube links of future upper-cut to the face antics, should they occur.

Melanie Busbee said...

This was very funny. I do Yoga Booty Ballet, as you already know since you're the one who bought it for me, and agree with you about this entire post.
We enter a relationship with these workout instructors, achieving a certain level of familiarity with them. It's all very odd. But yes, the more you know someone, often the more critical you become.

Jeni said...

Indeed. Workout video gods let it be known. Imagine having to watch yourself in that video 10x in a row. If there's something in there that would annoy you, edit it OUT!!!!!!

girlnblack77 said...

Yeah, I stick with the ol' standby: Jane Fonda's workout tape on VHS. I was wildly irritated by her patronizing tone for a while (i.e., if you can't stick both feet behind your ears and do a one-handed pushup, just do your best) then I got over it. Mostly I put on my own music and mute the tv. Once you've done a workout a dozen times, you don't *need* the sound so much.

I ditched a workout dvd once because I couldn't stand listening to the woman breathe. SNIIIIIFFFF-hmmmmm SNIIIIIFFFF-hmmmmmm lol

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